My Everything

My everything,

he was latterly my everything. He was the one to make me realize a lot of things. He was also the one to always be there when i needed him. He cared, he loved me. We loved each other. He was the one who would be the first to make me smile, everyday. And he was the last. He made me realize that i had so much more then drugs and friends that were using me and people that were bringing me down. And to stop tarring myself apart by telling myself inside, that I'm worthless and life sucks. And that I should believe in myself and believe in hope, faith and destiny. I never had much hope or faith in anything, the only thing i did really have faith in was me and him. He also showed me to stick up for myself, that when people bring me down, to talk back and tell them how i really feel. To be honest and not to be scared to tell them I don't like the way they speak to me. etc. He showed me to deal with my problems not to just pyle them up inside. He showed me that the girl inside was better and stronger then the one outside and that I should let her out , because she has so much dreams and hopes and she wants so much more then what she is right now. She wants to be the girl, that shes dreamt to be. She wants to be that girl with no lust no mean talks about people. No hatred, the girl that was hiding in her for so long, but shes still there she just became another girl, that she thought people could love more. Because she thought she wasn't enough , wasn't good enough for the people surrounding her. But ends up that girl would of been better off, coming out as the girl she died's to be. That sweet, caring, honest, in love with people's hearts. The girl who just wanted to change people so much. She wanted to help the ones in need, she was always good at having advise for them. Ends up that she's lost in all of her mistakes, regrets and dough'ts and all the things that hurt her, all of that just started destroying her.

But once again he was there for me. I was still lost and scared but I've become so much more then what I was. And what I knew. That girl that I'm dying for her to come out, will. I know it. I just need to start fighting my battles, my Rituals. And need to tell myself that my everything, ( Stephane) isn't the reason exsacly that made me realize, i knew it, it was in my heart he just made me say it, make me believe it was true what i was realizing. I need to tell myself that, because my everything, left me. He no longer loved me.

I said I didn't believe in faith and hope for a reason. ...... Not even the thing i did have faith in, left. And now everyday I hope to get him back. But I don't believe I will. I know I wont. That's always the hardest part of my day.

Knowing he won't come back to me, his now a memory. My first Love. And I will never regret anything that happened bethin each other, because I did deeply Love him. And I still do. He was the one i wished to be with forever.

No matter what he will always be my everything.♥