Not Over Him.

Vacations have been over for almost two weeks now. It was really hard to go back to the 6:30am morning routine.

This morning at 6:30 am, January 14. I woke up thinking I was going to see my Ex today. Stephane. Not a fun first thought in the morning. Since I already think about him too much. My walls full of his writing, the pictures that I finally toke down. And the fact that he never gets out of my mind or how annoying it is to know deep down he wont come back and his probably happy with the fact were over. And hes definitely not thinking of me even one second of the day. But my heart, can't seam to kick him out of my thoughts, mind, stomach or make him a memory for good! As you can probably tell, I'm really not excited to see him.

The week after exams hes back at school. Because it's the new semester. Which is in a week. I'm not ready to see him. My heart isn't. It should be. I wish it was. But with my luck it's not. It's now been a month I haven't seen him, and that we've been no longer a couple. Can't get over the fact it's already that long, and my heart still wants him. Still needs him. Still can't get over the fact hes not coming back.

That first thought I had this morning. It was right!

I'm in my class, texting my best friend.

My friend: Your EX is here !

Me freaking out at my desk. Thinking omg! Hide! You can't see him! You don't want to see him! You don't want him to see you!

Thoughts and thoughts come crapping in my head. Still freaking out! ... Bell rings.

I was hiding ... time to go to class. He was there ! I was surrounded by 4 of my friends. Still saw his face. And he was wearing the sweater I got him. Just that destroyed me. Started to cry like crazy, walking fast to class making sure he wouldn't see me. That didn't work he did, apparently. Not my face. So not me crying. Thank god.

I'm in class still crying my eyes out. Trying not too. Didn't work.

In the bus still the same, crying and feeling horrible. Got to my friends house, feeling better doing anything to get him out of my head. Get back home his in my head for the rest of the night. Of course, like always!

Tomorrow, hes going to be at school for his exam. I hope I get the courage to acutely go up to him and talk. Dought it, but you never know. I just hope that I take it better then I did today!

Will see what happens.

Destiny might change it's mind. ♥

PS: Don't depend on a guy so much. Might end the way you never thought it would or never wished it would or just not the way you wanted it to end up. Just think, no matter what In The End he was always worth it.